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Marriage
Jokes
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A
cowboy
Walked
into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll
have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his
face while a woman with the most beautiful body that he had
ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy
said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in
a hotel room." She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't
like that. The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime
and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He
is the one shaving you." |
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An
elderly gentleman married
a girl in her early twenties. The wedding
went fine and they left on their honeymoon.
The elderly gentleman didn't get right with the program after
they went to bed that night. The young wife felt that he was
probably tired and let him sleep for a while.
A couple of hours later she decided that this had gone on long
enough, but wanted not to appear over anxious and let him be
the one in charge. She woke the old fellow up. "What is the
matter", he asked. She replied "This side of the bed is to hard,
I want to lay on your side." He got up and walked around the
bed, got in on her side and went to sleep.
A few minutes later she was starting to really want to consummate
things. She awoke him again. "What now?" He asked. She said,
"You know I think I was wrong, maybe that side is more comfortable
let me lie on that side." Again he got up walked around, got
in, and went to sleep.
By this time, she was really ready to make hard, passionate
love. She really didn't care at this point how it would appear
to him. She awoke him again and said, "No, I was wrong your
side is more comfortable. Instead of getting up, why don't you
just crawl over me and I will scoot across the bed?" He started
over and she stopped him right on top and held him.
"Now, do you know what I really want?", she asked.
He replied, "YEAH, YOU WANT THE WHOLE DAREND BED, BUT YOU AREN'T
GOING TO GET IT!" |
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A young couple decided
to wed.
As the big day approached, they grew
apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared
with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father
for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about
the success of my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you
love this girl?" "Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see,
I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiancé will
be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to
do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks,
even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem
up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning
my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone
has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don't understand,.
My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiancé will
not want to sleep in the same room with me." Her mother said
simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed,
and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family
is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth.
The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth."
"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.
"Not a word," her mother affirmed. "Well, it's certainly worth
a try," she thought.
The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice
each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with
her morning silence, they managed quite well.
That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one
morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of
his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically
searches the bed.
This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks,
"What on earth are you doing?" "Oh, my," he replies, "you've
swallowed my sock!" |
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Final
Answer?
A husband & wife were sitting home one
evening watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." The husband
looks at the wife and says, "C'mon honey, lets go upstairs and
fool around." The wife says, "NO!" The husband says, "Aw c'mon.
Let's go upstairs and fool around." The wife again says, "NO!"
The husband asks, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says,
"YES, that is my final answer." The husband then asks, "Can
I phone a friend?" |
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