Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hemorrhoids)?
Because all the assholes are in the
first violin section |
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
No-one minds if you spill beer on a
fiddle. |
Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their
instrument?
Violins don't have spit valves. |
Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin?
You might bend the nail. |
A violinist says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you
just like my violin."
His wife replies, "I'd rather have
you play me like a harmonica!" |
Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph
book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert.
"There's not much room on this
page," he said. "What shall I write?" Another violinist, standing
by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire."
|
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking
down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered
hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah,
yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!" |
What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference.
The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is
so much bigger |
What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A fiddle is fun
to listen to. |
Why are viola jokes so short?
So violinists can understand them. |
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and
a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
|
How many second violinists does it take to change a light
bulb?
None. They can't get up that high!
|
String players' motto:
"It's better to be sharp than out of
tune." |
Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?
Both are offensive and inaccurate.
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